What follow are the quotes I have in my random signatures used in my email program. A number of folks have asked me either where I got them, or for others, so here they all are. The sources for the quotes include: Bartlett’s Familiar Quotations ISBN:0316082775, The Oxford Dictionary of Quotations ISBN:0198600585, The Encyclopedia of Graffiti ISBN:0026020009, The Portable Curmudgeon ISBN:0452266688, Primetime Proverbs ISBN:0517572842, 1911 Best things anybody ever said ISBN:0449902854, Mark My Words ISBN:0760735328, and Word Lover’s Book of Unfamiliar Quotations ISBN:0965760073. There’s also Faisal Jawdat’s Quotes File and Democracy.ru's quotes page which I’ve mined for quotes I like. Also some quotes are just funny things people around me have said or that I’ve seen on the net. I’ve tried to list the original source for all quotes where possible, but have been unable to find an orginal source for most of the "seen on the net" quotes.
In January 2001 I added a link for each quote. Just copy the link that appears to the right of the quote to go straight to one you like.
In February 2003, I finally decided to dump the table. The page should load a lot more quickly now. And the page is machine-generated from a master quotes-file that’s also the source for my email signatures. Now I’ve only got one file to maintain, and this shouldn’t get too far out of date. Woo!
"March is the month God designed to show people who don't drink what a hangover is like." - Garrison Keillor link
"The urge to save humanity is always a false front for the urge to rule it." - H. L. Mencken link
"I tell people that if it's in the news, don't worry about it. The very definition of 'news' is 'something that hardly ever happens.'" - Bruce Schneier link
"Mathematicians stand on each other's shoulders while computer scientists stand on each other's toes." - Richard Hamming link
"The only purpose for which power can be rightfully exercised over any member of a civilized community, against his will, is to prevent harm to others. His own good, either physical or moral, is not a sufficient warrant." - John Stuart Mill, "On Liberty," 1859 link
"The government solution to a problem is usually as bad as the problem." - Milton Friedman link
"Nothing is so permanent as a temporary government program." - Milton Friedman link
"A Socity that puts equality ahead of freedom will end with neither equality nor freedom." - Milton Friedman link
"If a tax cut increases government revenues, you haven't cut taxes enough." - Milton Friedman link
"I started out to be a sex fiend, but couldn't pass the physical." - Robert Mitchum link
"You see, boys forget what their country means by just reading The Land of the Free in history books. Then they get to be men they forget even more. Liberty's too precious a thing to be buried in books, Miss Saunders. Men should hold it up in front of them every single day of their lives and say: I'm free to think and to speak. My ancestors couldn't, I can, and my children will." - Jefferson Smith "Mr. Smith Goes to Washington" link
"...if you get confused, just listen to the music play." - Robert Hunter "Franklin's Tower" link
"When they took the Fourth Amendment, I was quiet because I didn't deal drugs. When they took the Sixth Amendment, I was quiet because I was innocent. When they took the Second Amendment, I was quiet because I didn't own a gun. Now they have taken the First Amendment, and I can say nothing about it." - Jay Bendell link
"The telephone is an antiquity -- you never know who is calling, there is no image, it is an outmoded product which constantly disrupts work." - Ralf Huetter of "Kraftwerk", in a 1991 interview link
"I read somewhere that 77 per cent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 per cent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves." - Jerry Garcia link
"Profanity is the inevitable linguistic crutch of the inarticulate motherfucker." - Bruce Sherrod link
"Any intelligent fool can make things bigger and more complex... It takes a touch of genius - and a lot of courage to move in the opposite direction." - Albert Einstein link
"There is only one basic human right, the right to do as you damn well please. And with it comes the only basic human duty, the duty to take the consequences." - P. J. O'Rourke link
"You know, evil comes in many forms, be it a man-eating cow or Joseph Stalin. But you can't let the package hide the pudding. Evil is just plain bad. You don't cotton to it. You gotta smack it on the nose with the rolled up newspaper of goodness. Bad dog! Bad dog!" - The Tick link
"Well, once again, my friend, we find that science is a two-headed beast. One head is nice, it gives us aspirin and other modern conveniences... But the other head of science is bad. Oh, beware the other head of science, Arthur. It bites." - The Tick link
"I'm sure millions of viewers out there are just wondering what it's like to wear the tights of justice. Well, it's tingly and it's uncomfortable, but it gets the job done and, oh, the job of it." - The Tick link
"Not in the face! Not in the face!" - Arthur "The Tick" link
"And, isn't sanity really just a one-trick pony anyway? I mean all you get is one trick, rational thinking, but when you're good and crazy, oooh, oooh, oooh, the sky is the limit." - The Tick link
"Transliterating Yiddish, oy vey!" - Avi Rappoport link
"In my experience, telling someone to switch Unix shells for ease of use is like telling him to switch cigarette brands for his health." - Chris Espinosa link
"Vinnie is exactly right." - David Shayer link
"In my experience, women don't play hard to get, they are hard to get." - Dougie Franklin ("The Red Green Show") link
"Vampires have their stakes and werewolves have their silver bullets, but there is nothing man has yet devised that can kill a government program." - Bob Krumm link
"Microsoft is like Coke. It's a secret formula, all the money is from distribution, and their goal is to get Coke everywhere. Open source is like selling water. There are water companies like Perrier and Poland Spring, but you're competing with something that's free." - Carl Howe link
"The American's conviction that he must be able to look any man in the eye and tell him to go to hell is the very essence of the free man's way of life." - Walter Lippmann link
"Too much emoting and not enough sinking." - Scott Knaster, discussing "Titanic" during "24 Hours of TV" link
"I know that when your ears burn it means that somebody's talking about you, but what does it mean when your love handles itch? Just curious." - Jeff Kay link
"Animals can smell fear. But they can taste fingers." - Ed Frid "The Red Green Show" link
"Computer science is the discipline that believes all problems can be solved with one more layer of indirection." - Dennis DeBruler link
"quis custodiet ipsos custodes?" [who will watch the watchmen?] - Juvenal "Satire VI" link
"I was a dog, but because I was really good, they moved me up to human being status. [Looks down his mutant body] Ehh... sort of. - Booga "Tank Girl" link
"A woman's dress should be like a barbed wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view." - Sophia Loren link
"Sure as I know anything, I know this - they will try again. Maybe on another world, maybe on this very ground swept clean. A year from now, ten? They'll swing back to the belief that they can make people... better. And I do not hold to that. So no more runnin'. I aim to misbehave." - Capt. Mal Reynolds "Serenity" link
"In a truly civil society peopled primarily by enlightened, sober individuals, the carriage of arms might be deemed gratuitous, but it is nonetheless harmless. "In a society that measures up to anything less than that, the option to carry arms is a necessity." - Geek with a .45 link
"Drink heavily, and buy more guns." - Jim Bovard, at Freedom Summit 2005, responding to a question about what we should do now about government abuses of rights. link
"Don't Panic." - Douglas Adams ("The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy") link
"Everyone must take time to sit and watch the leaves turn." - Elizabeth Lawrence link
"Bittersweet October. The mellow, messy, leaf-kicking, perfect pause between the opposing miseries of summer and winter." - Carol Bishop Hipps link
"... it is poor civic hygiene to install technologies that could someday facilitate a police state." - Bruce Schneier link
"I wouldn't even think about bribing a rottweiler with a steak that didn't weigh more than I do." - Jason Earl (commenter at The Anti-Idiotarian Rottweiler) link
"You can fool some of the people all of the time, and those are the ones you need to concentrate on." - George W. Bush, shortly after his inauguration link
"Arguing on the intenet is like running in the Special Olympics. Even if you win, you're still retarded." - seen on the 'net link
"I supply guns to every army but the Salvation Army." - Yuri Orlov, "Lord of War" link
"There is one firearm for every twelve people on the planet. The only question is, 'How do we arm the other eleven?'" - Yuri Orlov, "Lord of War" link
"If the primates that we came from had known that someday politicians would come out of the gene pool, they would have stayed up in the trees and written evolution off as a bad idea." - Capt. John Sheridan "Babylon 5" link
"I'll be in my bunk." - Jayne, "Firefly" link
"The political process consists entirely of politicians talking out of their butts." - P. J. O'Rourke link
"If we're free to do what we want, why does government always have a plan for us?" - P. J. O'Rourke link
"I think, therefore I'm single." - unknown link
"Consulting is like dating - you smile a lot, you pretend to enjoy yourself, and wait for some jerk to call you back." - unknown link
"And God said, 'Let there be vodka!' And He saw that it was good. Then God said, 'Let there be light!' And then He said, 'Whoa - too much light.' - unknown link
"Acid is like a woman -- a good one'll eat right through your pants." - unknown link
"A friend who used to work at 'research lab' related a story about a customer support line at 'company'. The support person said something on the order of 'You're not our only customer, you know,' to which his reply was, 'Perhaps not, but we're one of the few with tactical nuclear weapons.'" - unknown link
"Of course it has civilian applications. You might wanna kill your friends, someday." - Jim Zelenka link
"I looked up 'standard' in the dictionary. There are eleven different definitions." - Dave Winer link
"This 'telephone' has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us." - Western Union memo, 1877 link
"Research is what I'm doing when I don't know what I'm doing." - Wernher von Braun link
"I have learned to use the word 'impossible' with the greatest caution." - Wernher von Braun link
"This suffering will yield us yet a pleasant tale to tell." - Virgil link
"Last night as I lay in bed looking at the stars I thought, 'Where the hell is the ceiling?'" - Chris Unger link
"Man was made at the end of the week's work when God was tired." - Mark Twain link
"The rest of the world views the USA the way Silicon Valley views Microsoft. Except with tanks." - Brad Templeton link
"If Bill Gates had a nickel for every time Windows crashed... Oh wait! He does!" - Greg Sutter link
"Two's company, three's crossfire." - Emma Speares link
"A man who is willing to commit suicide has the initiative." - Boris Spassky link
"I was sitting on a curb one day feeling all dejected, and a little bird came along and said 'cheer up, it could be worse', so I cheered up, and sure enough, things got worse." - Dan Shafer link
"If you're enlightened and you know it, clap one hand..." - Tom Price link
"Civilisation can be reduced to the following: 'I need a hug. Go away.' Unable to solve this conundrum, and having nothing better to do in the meantime, we build cathedrals and drink heavily." - Tom Price link
"For much of the Internet, the shortest path between two points doesn't exist." - Kevin Poulsen link
"I mean, there are only 12 notes in western music anyway - how hard can it be to stumble around them until it sounds good?" - Simon Postford link
"An object in motion tends to stay in motion, until it needs gas or a taco or something." - Porsche Carrera S Advertisement link
"It's not virtual reality until you can be tortured to death in it." - Andrew Plotkin link
"It's like looking into the face of death, only it's Gilligan." - Andrew Plotkin link
"I believe there's something in the Bible about 'Thou shalt not call anyone insane who owns and is competent with more firearms than you own sharp sticks.'" - Andrew Plotkin link
"Hardware: The parts of a computer system that can be kicked." - Jeff Pesis link
"This isn't right. This isn't even wrong." - Wolfgang Pauli link
"I want them to play Britney Spears at my funeral. This way I won't feel so bad about being dead, and everyone there will know there is something worse than Death." - Gary Numan link
"Television is to news as bumperstickers are to philosophy." - Richard M. Nixon link
"Don't be humble. You're not that great." - Golda Meir link
"Before I started working here I drank, smoked, and used foul language for no reason at all. But thanks to this job, I now have a reason." - Fitz McKinzie link
"If you shoot me with .25 ACP, and I find out about it, I'll kick your ass." - Dan Martinez link
"Transported to a surreal landscape, a young girl kills the first woman she meets and then teams up with three complete stangers to kill again." - Marin Paper TV listing for "The Wizard of Oz" link
"Save the environment. And the call stack, while you're at it." - Len Lanphar link
"What can you say about a society that says God is dead and Elvis is alive?" - Irv Kupcinet link
"When I *do* lose it, I'm going to make sure I do it in a post office just to screw up the statistics." - Kevin Kozicki link
"Security is mostly a superstition. It does not exist in nature... Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." - Helen Keller link
"I curse Microsoft at least once a day. I only curse Apple every other day. As I see it, that's a 100 percent improvement." - Sam Kass link
"Sometimes when you fill a vacuum, it still sucks." - Bill Joy link
"Women are soft, and fun to touch, but that does not stop them from being incarnations of pure evil." - Bradford Johnson link
"You're basically killing each other to see who's got the better imaginary friend." - Richard Jeni link
"Money, not morality, is the principle commerce of civilized nations." - Thomas Jefferson link
"Duality: it's not just for breakfast, lunch, and dinner any more." - Faisal N. Jawdat link
"It's never too late to be obnoxious." - John Jantos link
"A great many people think they are thinking when they are merely rearranging their prejudices." - William James link
"I feel like Keith Richards looks. ugh." - Matthew Haughey link
"Computers will be small enough to hold in your hand, and everyone will have them. By the end of my lifetime [2020] you will be able to hold every word of the Library of Congress in your hands, and they will have passed a law against it." - Michael Hart, Executive Director, Project Gutenberg link
"Some people think a song without words isn't a real song. Tell that to Beethoven and he'll kick your ass!" - Eddie Van Halen link
"Paranoia will get you through times of no enemies better than enemies will get you through times of no paranoia." - Pete Granger link
"If there is going to be a Big Brother in the United States, it is going to be us -- the FBI." - Paul George, Supervisory Special Agent, Michigan Bureau, FBI link
"Women wonder why men aren't romantic; it's like wondering why your wonderfully playful dog who you kicked in the head last night when it tried to greet you at the door is looking rather sullen." - Rob Earhart link
"SQL makes one feel like a 'traditional' housewife: it does a lot of heavy work for you, and brings home the bacon, but you gotta prepare to get screwed every so often." - Rob Earhart link
"Supporting Windows is like buying a puppy. 'The dog only cost $100, but we spent another $500 cleaning the carpet.'" - Marc Dodge link
"The biggest reason against public transportation: the public." - Mark Denovich link
"And help me to remember.... When I'm having a really bad day, and it seems that people are trying to piss me off, that it takes 42 muscles to frown, and only 4 to extend my middle finger and tell them to bite me." - Joe Covington link
"Modern art is what happens when painters stop looking at girls and persuade themselves that they have a better idea." - John Ciardi link
"Oh, you hate your job? Why didn't you say so? There's a support group for that. It's called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar." - Drew Carey link
"The most likely way for the world to be destroyed, most experts agree, is by accident. That's where we come in; we're computer professionals. We cause accidents." - Nathaniel Borenstein link
"To generalize is to be an idiot." - William Blake link
"I'm no fan of lawyers or litigation, but it's high time that someone defined 'buffer overflow' as being equal to 'gross criminal negligence'." - Henry Baker link
"Perhaps I'm old and tired, but I always think that the chances of finding out what really is going on are so absurdly remote that the only thing to do is to say hang the sense of it and just keep yourself occupied." - Douglas Adams link
"All science is either physics or stamp collecting." - Ernest Rutherford link
"I hate that part of the day where i've read all the newsgroups and looked at all the interesting web pages so now it's either just sit here bored or do work." - Adam Rixey link
"It's not the heat I mind... It's the Humanity." - Ryan Richards link
"It's the Government's job to print the money, deliver the mail and declare war. Now give me my cigarettes." - Florence King link
"Oh ho ho. Eminent Domain. And people call me paranoid." - Burt Gummer, "Tremors 3" link
"Of the two cults to which [Tom] Cruise belongs, Hollywood is easily the more powerful, and quite possibly the more menacing and ruinous." - Colby Cosh, "Tom Cruise vs. the engrams", "National Post", 28. June, 2005 link
"I felt something, a disturbance in the network, as if a million Mac zealots cried out in horror and were suddenly silenced." - One Slashdot reader comments on Apple's switch to Intel link
"A man's got to know his limitations." - "Dirty" Harry Callahan "Magnum Force" link
"Go ahead, make my day." - "Dirty" Harry Callahan "Sudden Impact" link
"I swear, I'm gonna change. Just not today." - Gear Daddies "Gonna Change" link
"Be thankful we're not getting all the government we are paying for." - Will Rogers link
"Yeah you've got girls with pretty bodies, And girls with pretty minds You never seem to find 'em both at one time." - Beat Farmers "Ridin'" link
"When we played, World Series checks meant something. Now all they do is screw your taxes." - Don Drysdale link
"It is a general idea, that when taxes are once laid on, they are never taken off." - Thomas Paine link
"Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors and miss." - Lazarus Long (Robert A. Heinlein) link
"And quit bringing up our forefathers and saying they were civil libertarians. Our founding fathers would have never tolerated any of this crap. For God's sake, they were blowing peoples' heads off because they put a tax on their breakfast beverage. And it wasn't even coffee." - Dennis Miller link
"There is no income tax in Russia. But there's no income." - Will Rogers link
"There is no such thing as a good tax." - Winston Churchill link
"April comes like an idiot, babbling and strewing flowers." - Edna St. Vincent Millay link
"If we had no winter, the spring would not be so pleasant; if we did not sometimes taste of adversity, prosperity would not be so welcome." - Anne Bradstreet link
"Science has never drummed up quite as effective a tranquilizing agent as a sunny spring day." - W. Earl Hall link
Coach: "What would you say to a nice beer, Normie?" Norm: "Going Down?" - "Cheers" link
Woody: "What's going on, Mr. Peterson?" Norm: "A flashing sign in my gut that says, 'Insert beer here.'" - "Cheers" link
Woody: "Pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?" Norm: "Alright, but stop me at one... make that one-thirty." - "Cheers" link
Coach: "How's about a beer, Norm?" Norm: "That's that amber sudsy stuff, right? I've heard good things about it!" - "Cheers" link
Woody: "Can I pour you a beer, Mr. Peterson?" Norm: "A little early isn't it, Woody?" Woody: "For a beer?" Norm: "No, for stupid questions." - "Cheers" link
Coach: "What'd you like, Normie?" Norm: "A reason to live. Give me another beer." - "Cheers" link
"Don't get me wrong: Emacs is a great operating system -- it lacks a good editor, though." - Thomer M. Gil link
"PowerPoint is a distraction. People use it when they don't know what to say." - Cristian Arcega link
"It is not the particular man in power that I oppose, but the power itself, which is unjust." - Wendy McElroy link
"Do not under any circumstances ever take both a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night." - Dave Barry link
It is the duty of every patriot to hate his country creatively. - Lawrence Durrell link
"And lord I'm sick and lord I'm tired of love" - Martin Zellar "Stupid Boy" link
"Well boys will be boys and they'll always be jerks, and from what she's seen this is how things work. They come in sweet and they go out cold, and you know this scene must be growing old." - Martin Zellar, "Boys will be boys" link
"When you believe in things you don't understand, then you suffer, superstition ain't the way" - Stevie Wonder link
"Meet the new boss, same as the old boss." - Pete Townshend "Won't Get Fooled Again" link
"If guns cause crime, all mine are defective." - Ted Nugent link
"The only way I'd worry about the weather is if it snows on our side of the field and not theirs." - Tommy Lasorda link
"It's snowing still," said Eeyore gloomily. "So it is." "And freezing." "Is it?" "Yes," said Eeyore. "However," he said, brightening up a little, "we haven't had an earthquake lately." - A. A. Milne link
"If you walk on snow you cannot hide your footprints." - George Herbert link
"At Christmas I no more desire a rose Than wish a snow in May's new-fangled mirth; But like of each thing that in season grows." - Wm. Shakespeare link
"Until I came to Canada I never knew 'snow' was a four letter word." - Alberto Manguel link
When it snows, you have two choices: shovel or make snow angels. link
"Let every man shovel out his own snow and the whole city will be passable." - Ralph Waldo Emerson link
"It was cold out there, bitter, biting, cutting, piercing, hyperborean, marmoreal cold, and there were all these Minnesotans running around outdoors, happy as lambs in the spring." - Charles Kuralt link
"If I'm too rough, tell me I'm so scared your little head will come off in my hands" - Alice Cooper ("Billion Dollar Babies") link
"My favorite politician was Arizona Senator Barry Goldwater, who reminded me of Tom Mix, and there wasn't any way to explain that to anybody." - Bob Dylan link
"This mornin', I shot six holes in my freezer, I think I got cabin fever, Somebody sound the alarm." - Jimmy Buffett, "Boat Drinks" link
"What is life but a series of inspired follies? The difficulty is to find them to do. Never lose a chance: it doesn't come every day." - George Bernard Shaw, "Pygmalion", Act 2 link
"People everywhere confuse what they read in newspapers with news." - A. J. Liebling link
"A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you." - Bert Leston Taylor link
"LITIGATION, n. A machine which you go into as a pig and come out of as a sausage." - Ambrose Bierce, "The Devil's Dictionary" link
"Don't try to solve serious matters in the middle of the night." - Philip K. Dick, "What the Dead Men Say", 1954 link
"Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped." - Elbert Hubbard link
"If you find yourself in a confusing situation, simply laugh knowingly and walk away." - Rev. Jim Ignatowski ("Taxi") link
"The truth is like sunlight. People used to think it's good for you." - Nancy Gribble link
"Guns don't kill people. The Government does." - Dale Gribble link
"Customers and contracts are like water and a sieve. The customer will find the largest hole and slide through it." - Larry McVoy link
"A computer is a state machine. Threads are for people who can't program state machines." - Alan Cox link
"It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere." - graffito on bus seen in Wickenburg, AZ link
Travel is very educational. I can now say Kaopectate in seven different languages. - seen on the web link
I don't do drugs anymore because I find I can get the same effect just by standing up really fast. - seen on the web link
I got a sweater for Christmas. I wanted a screamer or a moaner. link
I don't approve of political jokes. I've seen too many of them get elected. - seen on the web link
"Some people walk in the rain, others just get wet." - Roger Miller link
"The best thing one can do when it's raining is to let it rain." - Henry Wadsworth Longfellow link
"When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?" - George Carlin link
"Personally, I'd be delighted to live in a country where happily married gay couples had closets full of assault weapons." - Glenn Reynolds (The Instapundit) 4. October, 2004 link
"We had no use for the policy of the Gospels, 'if someone slaps you, just turn the other cheek.' We had shown that anyone who slapped us on our cheek would get his head kicked off." - Nikita Khrushchev link
In our age there is no such thing as "keeping out of politics." All issues are political issues, and politics itself is a mass of lies, evasions, folly, hatred and schizophrenia. - George Orwell link
"Politics is not the art of the possible. It consists in choosing between the disastrous and the unpalatable." - John Kenneth Galbraith link
"Politics would be a helluva good business if it weren't for the goddamned people." - Richard M. Nixon link
"A politician is a man who will double cross that bridge when he comes to it." - Oscar Levant link
"Please excuse me from work yesterday due to a vision problem. I just couldn't see myself coming to work." - seen on the web link
"Heaven goes by favour. If it went by merit, you would stay out and your dog would go in." - Mark Twain link
"A dog's best friend is his illiteracy." - Ogden Nash link
"If dogs could talk, perhaps we'd find it just as hard to get along with them as we do people." - Karel Caprek link
"To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs." - Aldous Huxley link
"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." - Bern Williams link
"One reason a dog can be such a comfort when you're feeling blue is that he doesn't try to find out why." - Author Unknown link
"Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives." - Sue Murphy link
"I love a dog. He does nothing for political reasons." - Will Rogers link
"I'm in favor of separation of church and state. These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death." - George Carlin link
"I'm for capital punishment. You've got to execute people. How else are they going to learn?" - Mort Sahl link
"I would like to electrocute everyone who uses the word 'fair' in connection with income tax policies." - William F. Buckley, Jr. link
"Tonstant weader fwowed up." - Dorothy Parker, on A.A. Milne's 'House at Pooh Corner' link
"No easy problems ever come to the President of the United States. If they are easy to solve, somebody else has solved them." - Dwight Eisenhower link
"Liberty is not collective, it is personal. All liberty is individual liberty." - Calvin Coolidge link
"There is no justification for public interference with purely private concerns." - Calvin Coolidge link
"Ultimately, property rights and personal rights are the same thing." - Calvin Coolidge link
"When once the right of the individual to liberty and equality is admitted, there is no escape from the conclusion that he alone is entitled to the rewards of his own industry. Any other conclusion would necessarily imply either privilege or servitude." - Calvin Coolidge link
"A government which requires of the people the contribution of the bulk of their substance and rewards cannot be classed as a free government..." - Calvin Coolidge link
"The Constitution is the sole source and guaranty of national freedom." - Calvin Coolidge link
"Civilization and profits go hand in hand." - Calvin Coolidge link
"That tax is theoretically best which interferes least with business." - Calvin Coolidge link
"No matter what any one may say about making the rich and the corporations pay the taxes, in the end they come out of the people who toil. It is your fellow workers who are ordered to work for the Government every time an appropriation bill is passed." - Calvin Coolidge link
"Perhaps one of the most important accomplishments of my administration has been minding my own business." - Calvin Coolidge link
"You can display no greater wisdom than by resisting proposals for needless legislation. It is much more important to kill bad bills than to pass good ones." - Calvin Coolidge link
"We have got so many regulatory laws already that in general I feel that we would be just as well off if we didn't have any more." - Calvin Coolidge link
"NAFTA and GATT have about as much to do with free trade as the Patriot Act has to do with liberty." - Michael Badnarik link
"As a rule, dictatorships guarantee safe streets and terror of the doorbell. In democracy the streets may be unsafe after dark, but the most likely visitor in the early hours will be the milkman." - Adam Michnik link
"Individual rights are not subject to a public vote; a majority has no right to vote away the rights of a minority; the political function of rights is precisely to protect minorities from oppression by majorities (and the smallest minority on earth is the individual." - Ayn Rand link
"Vote for the man who promises least; he'll be the least disappointing." - Bernard Baruch link
"Fifty-one percent of a nation can establish a totalitarian regime, suppress minorities and still remain democratic." - Erik von Kuehnelt-Leddihn link
"Government is a broker in pillage, and every election is a sort of advance auction in stolen goods." - H.L. Mencken (1880-1956) link
"Hanging one scoundrel, it appears, does not deter the next. Well, what of it? The first one is at least disposed of." - H.L. Mencken (1880-1956) link
"It is hard to believe that a man is telling the truth when you know that you would lie if you were in his place." - H.L. Mencken (1880-1956) link
"A newspaper is a device for making the ignorant more ignorant and the crazy crazier." - H.L. Mencken (1880-1956) link
"It is inaccurate to say I hate everything. I am strongly in favor of common sense, common honesty, and common decency. This makes me forever ineligible for public office." - H.L. Mencken (1880-1956) link
"The argument that capital punishment degrades the state is moonshine, for if that were true then it would degrade the state to send men to war... The state, in truth, is degraded in its very nature: a few butcheries cannot do it any further damage." - H.L. Mencken (1880-1956) link
"If...the machine of government...is of such a nature that it requires you to be the agent of injustice to another, then, I say, break the law." - Henry David Thoreau link
"Complete equality isn't compatible with democracy, but it is agreeable to tolitarianism. After all the only way to ensure the equality of the slothful, the inept and the immoral is to suppress everyone else." - Iain Benson link
"Democracies have been found incompatible with personal security or the rights of property; and in general been as short in their lives as they have been violent in their death." - James Madison link
"Remember, democracy never lasts long. It soon wastes, exhausts, and murders itself. There never was a democracy yet that did not commit suicide." - John Adams link
"Any doctrine that weakens personal responsibility for judgment and for action helps create the attitudes that welcome and support the totalitarian state." - John Dewey link
"If mankind minus one were of one opinion, then mankind is no more justified in silencing the one than the one - if he had the power - would be justified in silencing mankind." - John Stuart Mill link
"We'd all like to vote for the best man but he's never a candidate." - Kin Hubbard link
"Civil disobedience becomes a sacred duty when the state becomes lawless or corrupt." - Mahatma Gandhi link
"The more corrupt the state, the numerous the laws." - Tacitus link
"Restlessness and discontent are the first necessities of progress." - Thomas A. Edison link
"Unnecessary laws are not good laws, but traps for money." - Thomas Hobbes link
"The democracy will cease to exist when you take away from those who are willing to work and give to those who would not." - Thomas Jefferson link
Laws provide against injury from others; but not from ourselves. - Thomas Jefferson link
"The best argument against democracy is a five minute conversation with the average voter." - Winston Churchill link
"Unemployment insurance is a pre-paid vacation for freeloaders." - Ronald Reagan link
"The taxpayer - that's someone who works for the federal government but doesn't have to take the civil service examination." - Ronald Reagan link
"The most terrifying words in the English language are: I'm from the government and I'm here to help." - Ronald Reagan link
"Status quo, you know, that is Latin for 'the mess we're in.'" - Ronald Reagan link
"I never drink coffee at lunch. I find it keeps me awake for the afternoon." - Ronald Reagan link
"Government does not solve problems; it subsidizes them." - Ronald Reagan link
"They say hard work never hurt anybody, but I figure why take the chance." - Ronald Reagan link
"What makes him think a middle-aged actor, who's played with a chimp, could have a future in politics?" - Ronald Reagan (on Clint Eastwood's bid to become mayor of Carmel, CA) link
"...I know it's hard when you're up to your armpits in alligators to remember you came here to drain the swamp." - Ronald Reagan, Feb 10, 1982 link
"...there is no limit to what a man can do or where he can go if he doesn't mind who gets the credit." - Ronald Reagan, Jan 21, 1981 link
"Surround yourself with the best people you can find, delegate authority, and don't interfere." - Ronald Reagan, Fortune, Sept 15, 1986 link
"Republicans believe every day is 4th of July, but Democrats believe every day is April 15. - Ronald Reagan (attributed) link
"The best minds are not in government. If any were, business would hire them away." - Ronald Reagan (attributed) link
"Welfare's purpose should be to eliminate, as far as possible, the need for its own existence." - Ronald Reagan, Los Angeles Times, January 7, 1970 link
"Facts are stupid things." - Ronald Reagan (attempting to quote John Adams, who said "Facts are stubborn things.") link
"Politics is not a bad profession. If you succeed there are many rewards, if you disgrace yourself you can always write a book." - Ronald Reagan link
"Government's view of the economy could be summed up in a few short phrases: If it moves, tax it. If it keeps moving, regulate it. And if it stops moving, subsidise it." - Ronald Reagan link
"What is a soul? It's like electricity - we don't really know what it is, but it's a force that can light a room." -Ray Charles link
"I have sworn upon the altar of God eternal hostility against every form of tyranny over the mind of man." - Thomas Jefferson link
"If liberty is worth keeping and free representative government worth saving, we must stand for all American fundamentals -- not some, but all. All are woven into the great fabric of our national well-being. We cannot hold fast to some only, and abandon others that, for the moment, we find inconvenient. If one American fundamental is prostrated, others in the end will surely fall." - United States Supreme Court decision, Ullmann v. United States 350 U.S. 422, 428 (1955) link
"Foolish liberals who are trying to read the Second Amendment out of the Constitution by claiming it's not an individual right or that it's too much of a public safety hazard don't see the danger in the big picture. They're courting disaster by encouraging others to use the same means to eliminate portions of the Constitution they don't like." - Alan Dershowitz, As quoted in Dan Gifford, The Conceptual Foundations of Anglo-American Jurisprudence in Religion and Reason, 62 Tenn. L. Rev. 759, 789 (1995). link
"The more people are dependent upon the government, the more controlled they are." - U.S. Secretary of State Madeline Albright, 20 Mar 1998 link
"I think we have more machinery of government than is necessary, too many parasites living on the labor of the industrious." - Thomas Jefferson Letter to William Ludlow, 1824 link
"What luck for rulers, that men do not think." -Adolf Hitler link
"If you believe the term "militia" means the National Guard then you must believe that freedom of speech is reserved for the Government Printing Office." - Seen in a sig file link
"The argument that today's National Guardsmen, members of a select militia, would constitute the only persons entitled to keep and bear arms has no historical foundation." - Joyce Lee Malcolm, Professor of History, Bentley College link
"He that hath no sword, let him sell his garment and buy one." - Jesus Christ, Luke 22:36 link
"...quemadmodum gladius neminem occidit, occidentis telum est." [...a sword never kills anybody; it's a tool in the killer's hand.] - (Lucius Annaeus) Seneca "the Younger" (ca. 4 BC-65 AD), Letters to Lucilius on Morals, Letter 87, c.63-65 AD link
"I declare to you that woman must not depend upon the protection of man, but must be taught to protect herself, and there I take my stand." - Susan B. Anthony (1820-1906), speech in San Franscisco, July 1871 link
"... a government and its agents are under no general duty to provide public services, such as police protection, to any particular individual citizen..." - Warren v. District of Columbia, 444 A.2d 1 (D.C. App.181) link
"Americans have the will to resist because you have weapons. If you don't have a gun, freedom of speech has no power." - Yoshimi Ishikawa, in the L.A. Times, Oct 15, 1992. link
"I know of no safe depository of the ultimate powers of the society but the people themselves; and if we think them not enlightened enough to exercise their control with a wholesome discretion, the remedy is not to take it from them, but to inform their discretion by education." - Thomas Jefferson link
"If ye love wealth greater than liberty, the tranquility of servitude greater than the animating contest for freedom, go home from us in peace. We seek not your counsel, nor your arms. Crouch down and lick the hand that feeds you. May your chains set lightly upon you; and may posterity forget that ye were our countrymen." - Samuel Adams link
"Life, liberty, and property do not exist because men have made laws. On the contrary, it was the fact that life, liberty, and property existed beforehand that caused men to make laws in the first place." - Frederic Bastiat link
"A good friend of mine used to say, 'This is a very simple game. You throw the ball, you catch the ball, you hit the ball. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes it rains.' Think about that for a while." - Nuke LaLoosh, "Bull Durham" link
"People who say you can't get drunk on beer just aren't trying." link
"The world is made for people who aren't cursed with self-awareness." - Annie Savoy, "Bull Durham" link
"You just got lesson number one. Don't think, it can only hurt the ball club." - Crash Davis, "Bull Durham" link
"I'm stranded all alone in the gas station of love, and I have to use the self-service pumps." - "Weird" Al Yankovic, "One More Minute" link
"English is the preacher's language because it lets you talk until you think of what to say." - Garrison Keillor link
"Government is basically a parasite, and if the host doesn't grow, then government suffers." - Jeb Bush link
"If people think you're bad, you might as well be bad. It's more fun than being good." - Kinsey Millhone link
"If you're not making anybody mad you're not getting anything done." - Col. Paul McNicol, USMC link
Let us remind ourselves again that the Second Amendment of the US Constitution should be referred to as the Statute of Liberty. - Col. Jeff Cooper, USMC link
When I was young we used to go "skinny dipping," now I just "chunkydunk." - seen on the web link
It's like my dad always said, "When you got nothing special, you got nothing special to lose." - Oswald (The Drew Carey Show) link
"I need a girlfriend whose name doesn't end in .JPG" - anon link
"Political correctness is just tyranny with manners." - Charlton Heston link
"Nobody ever sees what I see." - Jerry Fletcher ("Conspiracy Theory") link
"A good conspiracy is unprovable. I mean, if you can prove it, it means they screwed up somewhere along the line." - Jerry Fletcher ("Conspiracy Theory") link
"To say that being non-judgmental is better than being judgmental is itself a judgment, and therefore a violation of principle." - Thomas Sowell link
"They are not all saints who use holy water." - English Proverb link
"Authority has every reason to fear the skeptic, for authority can rarely survive in the face of doubt." - Robert Lindner, "Must You Conform?" 1956 link
"Every great advance in natural knowledge has involved the absolute rejection of authority." - T. H. Huxley, "Lay Sermons", 1870 link
"It is chiefly through books that we enjoy intercourse with superior minds." - Whilliam Ellery Channing, "Self-culture," 1838 link
"I've never known any trouble that an hour's reading didn't assuage." - Montesqueieu, "Pensées Diverses link
"Wherever they burn books they will also, in the end, burn human beings." - Heinrich Heine, "Almansor," 1823 link
"Give me chastity and continence, but not right now." - St. Augustine, "Confessions," A.D. 401 link
"I have no objection to churches so long as they do not interfere with God's work." - Brooks Atkinson, "Once around the Sun," 1951 link
"Courtship to marriage is as a very witty prologue to a very dull play." - William Gongreve, "The Old Bachelor," 1693 link
"Men are always doomed to be duped, not so much by the arts of the [female] sex as by their own imaginations. They are always wooing goddesses and marrying mere mortals." - Washington Irving, "Bracebridge Hall," 1822 link
"Those who corrupt the public mind are just as evil as those who steal from the public purse." - Adlai Stevenson, speech, Albequerque, NM, 1952 link
"One of the evils of democracy is, you have to put up with the man you elect whether you want him or not." - Will Rogers, "Autobiography," 1949 link
Doubt is not a pleasant state of mind, but certainty is absurd. - Voltaire to Frederick the Great, 1767 link
"As society is now constituted, a literal adherence to the moral precepts scattered throughout the Gospels would mean sudden death." - Alfred North Whitehead, "Dialogues," 1954 link
"A man cannot be too careful in the choice of his enemies." - Oscar Wilde, "The Picture of Dorian Gray," 1891 link
"We have met the enemy and they are us!" - Walt Kelly, "Pogo", 1971 link
"Experience is a comb which nature gives us when we are bald." - Chinese Proverb link
"Reason is the greatest enemy that faith has." - Martin Luther, "Table Talk," 1569 link
"If we're not foolish young, we're foolish old." - Chaucer, "The Knight's Tale," Canterbury Tales, c. 1400 link
"[Let any] who would wish to dissolve this Union or to change its republican form . . . stand undisturbed as monuments of the safety with which error of opinion may be tolerated where reason is left free to combat it." - Thomas Jefferson, First Inaugural Address, 1801 link
"The people never give up their liberties but under some delusion." - Edmund Burke, speech, Buckinghamshire, 1784 link
"A gentleman never insults anyone unintentionally." - Oscar Wilde, in conversation. link
"Seeing so much poverty everywhere makes me think that God is not rich. He gives the appearance of it, but I suspect some financial difficulties." - Victor Hugo, "Lex Misérables," 1862 link
"Goodness without wisdom always accomplishes evil." - Robert A. Heinlein, "Stranger in a Strange Land," 1961 link
"The worse thing in this world, next to anarchy, is government." - Henry Ward Beecher, "Proverbs from Plymouth Pulpit," 1887 link
"Society in every state is a blessing, but Government even in its best state, is a necessary evil; in its worst state, an intolerable one." - Thomas Paine, "Common Sense," 1776 link
"The secret of Humor . . . is not joy but sorrow. There is no humor in heaven." - Mark Twain, "Pudd'nhead Wilson's New Calendar," 1894 link
"Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen." - Jerome K. Jerome, "The Idle Thoughts of an Idle Fellow," 1889 link
"It is better to have loafed and lost than never to have loafed at all." - James Thurber, "Fables for Our Time," 1943 link
"A good indignation brings out all one's powers." - Emerson, "Journals," 1841 link
"The man who walks alone is soon trailed by the F.B.I." - Wright Morris, "A Bill of Rites . . .," 1967 link
"Assassination: the extreme form of censorship." - G. B. Shaw, "The Rejected Statement" link
"When the President does it, that means that it's not illegal." - Richard M. Nixon, interview with David Frost, May 19, 1977 link
"Wherever law ends, tyranny begins." - John Locke, "Treatise on Government," 1690 link
"The more laws the more offenders." - Thomas Fuller, "Gnomologia," 1732 link
"Armies under the control of ... a sovereign State cannot bring freedom to anyone." - Simone Weil, "Ecrits historiques..." link
"A man's library is a sort of harem." - Emerson, "The Conduct of Life," 1860 link
"Governments are suspicious of literature because it is a force that eludes them." - Emile Zola, "Le Roman expérimental," 1880 link
"My kind of loyalty was loyalty to one's country, not to its institutions or its office-holders." - Mark Twain, "A Connecticut Yankee in King Arthur's Court" 1889 link
"Drinking without being thirsty and making love at any time, Madame, are the only things that distinguish us from other animals. - Beaumarchais, "The Marriage of Figaro," 1784 link
"To die for a religion is easier than to live it absolutely." - Jorge Luis Borges, "Labyrinthes," 1962 link
"God created women for the unique purpose of domesticating men." - Voltaire, "L'Ingénue," 1767 link
"Women like silent men. They think they're listening." - Marcel Achard, "Quote," November 4, 1956 link
"We must remember that Satan has miracles, too." - John Calvin, "Institues of the Christian Religion," 1536 link
"I cannot afford to waste my time making money." - Louis Agassiz, declining an offer to teach link
"Nature is trying very hard to make us success, but nature does not depend on us. We are not the only experiment." - Buckminster Fuller, "Synergetics," 1975 link
"Nowadays most men lead lives of noisy desperation." - James Thurber, "Further Fables for Our Time," 1956 link
"People who make no noise are dangerous." - Jean de La Fontaine, "Fables," 1678 link
"It is probable that democracy owes more to nonconformity than to any other single movement." - R. H. Tawney, "Religion and the Rise of Capitalism," 1926 link
"Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories -- those that don't work, those that break down and those that get lost." - Russell Baker, "New York Times," June 18, 1968 link
"What country can preserve its liberties, if its rulers are not warned from time to time, that this people preserve the spirit of resistance?" - Thomas Jefferson to Col. William S. Smith, November 13, 1787 link
"Resistance to tyrants is obedience to God." - Thomas Jefferson, motto link
"Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies." - Groucho Marx link
"What a man has honestly acquired is absolutely his own, which may be freely given, but cannot be taken from him without his consent." - Samuel Adams, Massachusetts circular letter, 1768 link
"A president's hardest task is not to do what is right, but to /know/ what is right." - Lyndon B. Johnson, State of the Union, January 4, 1965 link
"It is often easier to fight for priciples than to live up to them." - Adlai Stevenson, speech, NYC, August 27, 1952 link
"Not joy but joylessness is the mother of debauchery." - Nietzsche, "Miscellaneous Maxims and Opinions," 1879 link
"The higher an ape mounts, the more he shows his breech." - Thomas Fuller, "Gnomologia," 1732 link
"There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil to one who is striking at the root." - Thoreau, "Walden," 1854 link
"Writing for a penny a word is ridiculous. If a man wants to make a million dollars, the best way would be to start a new religion." - L. Ron Hubbard, quoted in the NYT, July 11, 1984 link
Man is certainly stark mad: he channot make a flea, yet he makes gods by the dozens." - Montaigne, "Essays," 1588 link
"Instead of the function of governing, for which it is radically unfit, the proper office of a representative assembly is to watch and control the government." - John Stuart Mill, "Dissertations," 1859 link
"All man's troubles come from not knowing how to sit still in one room." - Pascal, "Pensées," 1670 link
"Who then is sane?" - Horace, "Satires II," 29 B.C. link
"Sanity is madness put to good uses." - George Santayana, "Little Essays" link
"The whole of science is nothing more than a refinement of everyday thinking." - Einstein, "Out of My Later Years," 1950 link
"Solemnity is the shield of idiots." - Montesquieu, "Pensées et jugements" link
"The Framers [of the Constitution] . . . created the federally protected right of silence and decreed that the law could not be used to pry open one's lips and make him a witness against himself." - Justice William O. Douglas, dissent, Ullmann vs. U.S., 1956 link
"A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal." - Oscar Wilde, "The Critic as Artist" 1890 link
"I am opposed to socialism because it dreams ingenuously of good, truth, beauty, and equal rights." - Nietzsche, "Will to Power," 1883 link
"A man thinking or working is always alone, let him be where he will." - Thoreau, "Walden," 1854 link
"In solitude especially do we begin to appreciate the advantage of living with someone who knows how to think." - Rousseau, "Confessions" link
"Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if your car could go straight upwards." - Sir Fred Hoyle, "London Observer," 1979 link
"Pitching is ... the art of instilling fear." - Sandy Koufax, quoted in Hood, "The Gashouse Gang," 1976 link
"It's just a job. Grass grows, birds fly, waves pound the sand. I beat people up." - Muhammad Ali, "New York Times," April 6, 1977 link
"Treaties are like roses and girls: they last while they last." - De Gaulle, "Time," July 12, 1963 link
"We Americans have no commission from God to police the world." - Benjamin Harrison, Address to Congress, 1888 link
"When there is a lack of honor in government, the morals of the whole people are poisoned." - Herbert Hoover, "New York Times," August 9, 1964 link
"The hardest thing to cope with is not selfishness or vanity or deceitfulness, but sheer stupidity." - Eric Hoffer, "The Passionate State of Mind," 1954 link
"Whenever a man does a thoroughly stupid thing it is always from the noblest motive." - Oscar Wilde, "The Picture of Dorian Gray," 1891 link
"One never repents of having spoken too little but often of having spoken too much." - Philippe de Commynes, "Mémoires," 1524 link
"Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving evidence of the fact." - George Eliot, "Impressions of Theophrastus Such," 1879 link
"The point to remember is that what the government gives it must first take away." - John S. Coleman, Address, Detroit Chamber of Commerce, 1956 link
"When a machine begins to run without human aid, it is time to scrap it -- whether it be a factory or a government." - Alexander Chase, "Perspectives," 1966 link
"Trust ivrybody -- but cut th' ca-ards." - Finley Peter Dunne, "Mr. Dooley's Philosophy," 1900 link
"Nowadays flattery wins friends, truth hatred." - Terence, "The Woman of Andros," 166 B.C. link
"No human being can really understand another, and no one can arrange another's happiness." - Graham Greene, "The Heart of the Matter," 1948 link
"Until you understand a writer's ignorance, presume yourself ignorant of his understanding." - Coleridge, "Biographica Literaria," 1817 link
"Nothing troubles me more than time and space, and yet nothing troubles me less." - Charles Lamb, January 2, 1810 link
'Tis better to know useless things than to know nothing at all. - Seneca, "Epistles," c. A.D. 50 link
"A vain man may become proud and imagine himself pleasing to all when he is in reality a universal nuisance." - Spinoza, "Ethics," 1677 link
"One will rarely err if extreme actions be ascribed to vanity, ordinary actions to habit, and mean actions to fear." - Nietzsche, "Human, All Too Human," 1878 link
"Power... marks its victim, denounces it; and excites the public odium and the public hatred, to conceal its own abuses and encroachments." - Henry Clay, speech, US Senate, March 14, 1834 link
"Be peaceful, be courteous, obey the law, respect everyone; but if someone puts a hand on you, send him to the cemetery." - Malcolm X, "Malcolm X Speaks," 1965 link
"May your every wish be granted." - Ancient Chinese curse link
"After each war there is a little less democracy to save." - Brooks Atkinson, "Once Around the Sun," 1951 link
"The greatest of all weaknesses is the fear of appearing weak." - J.B. Bossuet, "Politics from Holy Writ," 1709 link
"All heiresses are beautiful." - John Dryden, "King Arthur," 1691 link
"Wise men are not wise at all times." - Emerson, "The Conduct of Life," 1860 link
"He is no wise man that cannot play the fool on occasion." - Thomas Fuller, "Gnomologia," 1732 link
"Of the demonstrably wise, there are but two: those who commit suicide, and those who keep their reasoning faculties atrophied by drink." - Mark Twain, "Note-Book," 1935 link
"An intelligent woman is a woman with whom one can be as stupid as one wants." - Paul Valéry, "Mauvaises pensées et autres," 1941 link
"A woman is only a woman, but a good cigar is a smoke." - Walt Kelly, "Pogo," 1971 link
"Words ... are the great foes of reality." - Joseph Conrad, "Under Western Eyes," 1911 link
"The more I saw of the world, the less I was able to adjust to its ways." - Rousseau, "Confessions," 1765 link
"A writer is somebody for whom writing is more difficult than it is for other people." - Thomas Mann, "Essays of Three Decades," 1947 link
"This letter is long because I didn't have time to write a short one." - Pascal, "Lettres provinciales," 1656 link
Wasting one's youth is better than doing nothing at all with it. - Georges Courteline, "Philosophie," 1917 link
Exercise your First and Second Amendment Rights at the same time Shoot the book burners. link
Do not drink Jack Daniels after midnight. - Dr. Aaron S. Kurland link
Hey! You're lookin' pretty sharp tonight. You're wearing pants! -Dr. Aaron S. Kurland link
"Anarchism is founded on the observation that since few men are wise enough to rule themselves, even fewer are wise enough to rule others." - Edward Abbey link
"Might does not make right but it sure makes what is." - Edward Abbey link
A patriot must always be ready to defend his country against his government. - Edward Abbey link
"The ready availability of suicide, like sex and alcohol, is one of life's basic consolations." - Edward Abbey link
"AC/DC has lived the dumbness that the Ramones have only faked all these years." -Chuck Eddy link
"A memorandum is written not to inform the reader but to protect the writer." - Dean Acheson link
"She is achingly pretty, the kind of woman that you want to take care of for the rest of her life for a few years." - Alan of http://www.heinovision.com link
"The idea that Bill Gates has appeared like a knight in shining armor to lead all customers out of a mire of technological chaos neatly ignores the fact that it was he who, by peddling second- rate technology, led them into it in the first place." - Douglas Adams link
"There was a point to this narrative, but it has presently escaped the chronicler's mind." - Douglas Adams link
"Baby, I wanna be your underwear" - Bryan Adams link
"If you have trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done." - Scott Adams link
"Women: You can't live with them, can't leave 'em on the curb when you're done with them." - David Addison (Moonlighting) link
"Ignorance of your profession is best concealed by solemnity and silence, which pass for profound knowledge upon the generality of mankind." - Advice to Officers of the British Army, 1783 link
"A professional is a man who can do his job when he doesn't feel like it; an amateur is one who can't [do his job] when he does feel like it." - James Agate, "Ego" link
Alcohol is your enemy. The bible says: Love thy enemy. - Graffito - Helsinki, 1970 link
"Open Source": adj. software developed by a loose confederation of drunken graduate students under the mistaken belief that their work is actually worth something to someone. - Alex Rosenberg link
"The only good cat is a stir-fried cat." - Alf link
"Like my old skleenball coach used to say, 'Find out what you don't do well, then don't do it.'" - Alf link
"He has a woman's name and wears makeup. How original." - Alice Cooper on Marilyn Manson link
"There's a little Spinal Tap in all of us." - Alice Cooper link
"Unix gives you just enough rope to hang yourself -- and then a couple of more feet, just to be sure." - Eric Allman link
"Socrates was a philosopher. He went around pointing out errors in the way things were done. They fed him hemlock." -Gil Amelio, quoting a "young philosophy student" link
"Absinthe makes the tart grow fonder." - Anonymous (attr. Hugh Drummond in Seymour Hicks's "Vintage Years") link
"God don't make no mistakes -- that's how he got to be God." - Archie Bunker link
"The wise learn many things from their enemies." - Aristophanes link
I believe every human has a finite number of heartbeats. I don't intend to waste any of mine running around doing exercises. - Neil Armstrong link
"Alright you primitive screwheads, listen up: This... is my BOOM STICK!" - Ash "Army of Darkness" link
"Good ... Bad ... I'm the guy with the GUN!" - Ash, "Army of Darkness" link
"Alcohol, Tobacco & Firearms should be the name of a store, not a government agency." - seen on http://www.kimdutoit.com/ link
"Never believe anything until it's officially denied." - Margaret Atwood link
"Equality may perhaps be a right, but no power on earth can ever turn it into a fact." - Honoré de Balzac link
"No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit." - Sir Frederick G. Banting link
"Windoze is the Mac interface done by people with Crayolas instead of Rapidographs." -barnhill@kahub.cc.ukans.edu link
"Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in the country." - Marion Barry link
"A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person." - Dave Barry link
Love is the delightful interval between meeting a beautiful girl and discovering that she looks like a haddock. - John Barrymore link
"The way to fight a woman is with your hat. Grab it and run." - John Barrymore link
"Some days you just can't get rid of a bomb." - Batman link
"He can turn beans into peas." -Benson, referring to the Supreme Being, in "Time Bandits" link
You need only reflect that one of the best ways to get yourself a reputation as a dangerous citizen these days is to go about repeating the very phrases which our founding fathers used in the great struggle for independence. - Attributed to Charles Austin Beard (1874-1948) link
"Remember that whenever you see a beautiful, single girl, somewhere there's a guy who's glad to be rid of her." - bumper sticker link
"I told all of our original investors that they would lose their money for sure." - Jeff Bezos link
"Abstainer: a weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure." - Ambrose Bierce link
"This just in: Bill Gates is an unscrupulous businessman and a big, fat liar. Attention newspaper publishers: This is not a scoop." - Brooke Shelby Biggs, Packet link
"The problem with the world is that everyone is a few drinks behind." - Humphrey Bogart link
"Never accept a drink from a urologist." - Erma Bombeck's father link
Interviewer: Do you feel you're a star? Bon Scott: No. I see stars sometimes, though. link
Homer: "Moe, what do you recommend for severe depression?" Moe: "Booze, booze and more booze." Lenny: "There's nothing like a depressant to cure depression." - The Simpsons (episode 5f04) link
"I wonder how much it would cost to develop a perl script to do the same thing? Perl programmers can make something like $75 an hour, so I bet the cost would be somewhere between five and ten bucks." - Alan Bostick link
"Unlike the phone system, the Internet has no Ma Bell or FCC to mandate new policies for the entire system. Not even Microsoft can make us all upgrade our routers. I think." - Paul Boutin link
"The way to deal with bureaucrats is with stealth and sudden violence." - UN Secretary General Boutros Boutros-Ghali link
"For something that does not exist, the Internet Engineering Task Force has had quite an impact." - Scott Bradner link
My sources are unreliable, but their information is fascinating. - Ashleigh Brilliant link
"The government has issued an orange alert, which once again, means nothing." - Kent Brockman (The Simpsons) link
"Anybody that wants the presidency so much that he'll spend two years organizing and campaigning for it is not to be trusted with the office." - David Broder link
"Comedy is when you break your leg. Tragedy is when I stub my toe." - Mel Brooks link
"Look, I've seen the A-Team more recently than I've had sex. I think that's all I need to say." - Dan Bruce link
"Idealism is fine, but as it approaches reality the cost becomes prohibitive." - William F. Buckley, Jr. link
"I would like to take you seriously but to do so would affront your intelligence." - William F. Buckley, Jr. link
"We are here to drink beer ... and live our lives so well that Death will tremble to take us." - Charles Bukowski link
"If you can only remain pure in your stupidity, someday you may get a phone call from hell." - Charles Bukowski link
"Death is just nature's way of telling you, 'Hey, you're not alive anymore.'" - Bull Shannon "Night Court" link
"Humble, that's me... Mr. Modesty. When it comes to humility, I'm the greatest." - Bullwinkle J. Moose link
Michael Moore is just like P. J. O'Rourke, only without the wit, the humour and the insight. - Tom Burroughes link
"The greatest pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him, and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too." - Samuel Butler link
"If the headache would only precede the intoxication, alcoholism would be a virtue." - Samuel Butler link
"The more things change, the more they suck." - Butthead link
"It's not denial... I'm just very selective about the reality I accept." - Calvin, "Calvin & Hobbes" link
"I try to make everyone's life a little more surreal." - Calvin, "Calvin & Hobbes" link
"A computer is like an Old Testament god, with a lot of rules and no mercy." - Joseph Campbell link
"There is no fate that cannot be surmounted by scorn." - Albert Camus link
"I can't come in to work today because I'll be stalking my previous boss, who fired me for not showing up for work. OK?" -Marshall Clow link
"It's a scientific fact that if you stay in California you lose one point of your IQ every year." - Truman Capote link
" ...point out to me one person who's ever worked for Steve Jobs twice. You're kind of disposable in Steve's eyes - and I've been disposed of. All the ex-Mac people will tell you, you only drink purple Kool-aid once." - Steve Capps, Apple Finder & Newton developer link
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. - George Carlin link
"One of the serious obstacles to the improvement of our race is indiscriminate charity." - Andrew Carnegie link
Cats aren't clean, they're just covered in cat spit. link
"Down with the categorical imperative!" - Graffito at UCLA, 1972 link
The only thing that stops God from sending another flood is that the first one was useless. - Nicholas Chamfort link
"Type designers are greedy weenies." - Chank Diesel link
Truth is the highest thing that man may keep. - Geoffrey Chaucer link
"Any idiot can face a crisis - it's the day to day living that wears you out." - Anton Chekhov link
"No animal ever invented anything as bad as drunkenness - or as good as drink." - G.K. Chesterton link
"May your fondest wish be granted." - Traditional Chinese curse link
"If that makes your lawyers or managers happy, well, good for them. You still have a lot to worry about." - Tom Christiansen, note on the Perl Y2K disclaimer link